areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
