I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
