would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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