someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
