I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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