Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
