Apparently you make a good broom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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