you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
