he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
