Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
