I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
