my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
