nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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