Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
