i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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