It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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