8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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