dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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