You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
