AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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