clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
