whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
