I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
