well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
