Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
