If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
