Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
