So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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