Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
