i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
