Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
