Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
