so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
