Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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