I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
