I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
COCAINE IS GR8
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
