i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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