sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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