we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
