Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
