Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize