gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
