just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
