I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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