ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
