I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
