I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Houston, we have a squirter
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
