My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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