SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
