You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need a burrito and a hug.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
