I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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