so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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