You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
