What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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