i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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