i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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