ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
