no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
