ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
