You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
