what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
