Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
