I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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