You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
