i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
