she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
