When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
