Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
