i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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