my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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