I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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