I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
