My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
