The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
