when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
