In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
