my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
