you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
