first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
