Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
