i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
