Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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