Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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