I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
