I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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