It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
