i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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