K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
