This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
