So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
