i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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