i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
