i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
