so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
